Well, tuesday came and went in a flurry of bad news. Firstly, the pain still isn't under control, the dose of the patch I'm using is either way too much and makes me sick/groggy as hell or not enough and I'm in constant pain and waiting with baited breath between injections. They want me off the injections and just on the patch...

ALSO, all the little things keep coming in and adding up. I'm trying to get financial assistance through the hospital sinced I make so little money, and I guess so far with no surgeries my bill is close to 60k, and I'm not even home yet.

So, the assistance program won't pay for the inhome nurses, so I need to stay in hospital for -another- 2 weeks... They're looking for a "skilled nursing facility" (a.k.a. nursing home... old people...) to move me to that's closer to home...

And even if I did get the home nursing, I don't have prescription coverage and these pain patches would be like $400 for 1 month...

The doctor's keep trying to pressure me into letting them put a tube into my nose down into my intestines so they can pump food in, but they were honest about the discomfort so I was honest about my probably tolerating it for a couple hours and then pulling it out, so... it is not an option for me.

I am horrifically depressed. Sophie died on monday, I didn't get to say goodbye to her. It's a long and complicated drive out here so my parents come for only a couple hours and then leave, if they come at all. I'm having panic attacks for no reason because of the meds and I feel bad for the nurses who have to listen to me scream and try to calm me down. My social security card seems to have disappeared... I don't have money for ANYTHING. I just don't want to do this anymore. ;-;