Matilda is dying. She was suddenly struck with some sort of neurological disorder, probably a brain tumor. Monday afternoon I noticed she seemed to be having a little trouble getting around her cage, stumbling and slipping her front feet between the bars. By tuesday afternoon it had progressed to her being unable to hold any food with her front feet, so me and my mother bought some baby food and proceeded to spoon feed her.

Wednesday night she could hardly keep her head upright, but her appetite for babyfood was pretty good and we continued regular feedings.

Tonight, she's just a limp wisp in my hand... and very uninterested in anything foodish, and more wanting to eat tissues and the towel I had her sitting on. Her limbs are pretty much useless now, and when I pick her up she barely moves. Yet she still tries to nuzzle into my neck...

She's also developed a small lump near her rectum, I fear a cyst... which seems to be impeding her bowel movements, and she seems to be running a fever.

Sophie is doing the same thing Artemis did when Spunky got sick. She's moping, and sticking extra close to Matilda (keeping her warm I hope...) but she's also been exceedingly rough with her thorough cleanings of 'Tilda's face when she comes back from a feeding. I caught her biting her lip last night...

I never thought I would hope such a thing, but I just wish she would pass in her sleep, and I hope she goes tonight. I couldn't hardly even stand to handle her tonight, or to watch her struggle to eat watered-down baby food only to become uninterested after a few licks... it hurts me so much. She's as limp as a ragdoll, and yet she tries so hard, and she won't give up.

I started training for my new position at work this week, but I can't get out early or I'll miss the important stuff (i.e. I ask to leave early and they say no...) and I don't want to lose my spot. I need to talk to the vet before I can just send someone to take her because most offices don't use gas before the needle injection, because their bodies are so tiny they need to inject the euthenizing agent directly into their hearts and this can be a terribly painful way to die... so they must be sedated first. I have to find out first, because I can't let them just take her in the back and do it wrong...

I can't stand it, I've never felt so helpless in my entire life. I can't sleep, I'm so terrified and worried for her. Part of me wants to get up and go to her cage and find her gone, and part of me wants her to still be there, and ALL of me wishes that this had never happened, or that I had noticed all the symptoms earlier so I could have done something to prevent it... anything but this.

So all my good news about how happy I am that I got the new position at work, and how fun it's supposed to be just turned to shit.

And they're only 2 months shy of their second birthday. She's still so young... I hate it. If they weren't such amazing animals... you would have thought I'd learned my lesson the first time around. And each time, it's getting worse.

:\

I don't even know what else to say.

Edit: She was humanely euthenized at 9am on friday, april 18th. I miss my little angel already, but she is in such a better place now...

I'm so bad about updating my journal.

Nothing ever really happens to me that's worth updating though. But still...

I've made a couple new friends at work and here, nothing much to report though.

Some actual news though, I was offered a level 2 rep. position at work. These are the, "I CALL YOU FOR HELP!" people, and is the next step down from a supervisor. It's a pay raise, but it also means -alot- more work for me. I'll go from averaging 30-35 hours a week to 40-45 hours. Everyone says, "More money!" and I'm like.. "6 day work weeks.. D:" God, I am such a weenie. I'm going to take it anyways, I guess, because all I do is bitch about how much I hate my job because I can't do anything to help anyone. And now I'll actually have the power to get things done for people. But no matter what, they're still ungrateful bastards and I don't know how much longer I can take people bitching at me as if it was -my- fault that they are so stupid. It really wears me down, and I can -not- wait for my weekend to come.

BUT! On a lighter note... Er... I don't have anything lighter.

Oh wait, yea...

Portrait Commissions are - OPEN!! -- $10/10gd

"Cloverfield"

My friend and I went for the 12:05 showing of Cloverfield... just as excited as two kids on christmas. We would have gone on opening night for the first showing, if I hadn't had to work (fucking 12:30am shift.. BULLSHIT!!)

Anyways.

DO -NOT- SEE IT IN THEATERS.

I cannot stress this enough. The movie was pretty freaking good (as far as I can tell) but my eyes were closed for a good 2/3rds of the movie, as the HORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIBBLLLLEEE jiggly camera work gave me a migrane and motion sickness something fierce. My friend also suffered from similar issues. I even had trouble driving home, as I thought I might puke in my car. People were moaning and groaning during the entire thing.

We had started in the middle-ish.. and moved almost all the way to the back of the theater in the first 15 minutes. BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE BECAUSE IT WAS AWESOME OTHERWISE!

Seriously, I -very- much want to see it again... but I want to wait until I can see it on the SMALL screen.

If Blair Witch's shoddy camera work made you somewhat ill, this is about 30 times worse.

At least it was pretty short.

Semi-Spoiler Alert!




It doesn't really end either. It's one of those... it leaves you fucking hanging. OH MY GOD I HATE THAT!

Yes. I'm still here. Just been -waiting- for an excuse to update my journal, since nothing interesting happens in my life. Oh boy! I got tagged by !

1. Choose a few of your own characters. Five at the most.
2. Make them answer the following questions.
3. Then tag three people.
4. Feel free to go ahead and add some question yourself!!!

1. Qo
2. Wednesday
3. Feyd
4. Puk
5. Sheen

A. How old are you?
1. Qo - 20.
2. Weds - 25.
3. Feyd - 28. >
4. Puk - 25!
5. Sheen - ..27?

B. YOU WANT A HUG? XD
1. Qo - Hugs?! OMG Hugs! Qo loves hugs. Can Qo have 11 hugs today?
2. Weds - Do I.. know you? I.. guess so.
3. Feyd - Uhh.. no.
4. Puk - I don' see wha nawt. Jus' don' touch deh goods, k?
5. Sheen - N..not particularly. No, thanks. *turns a sickly shade of pale*

C. You got any bad habits?
1. Qo - Qo talks in 3rd person?
2. Weds - I love men who aren't ever around for me, ever. >:\
3. Feyd - Is the sky blue?
4. Puk - I like ter zap ladies in 'de bum an' act all inn-ocent loike.
5. Sheen - Uh, uh.. err.. n..no? Probably n..not.. I don't th-th-think so.. *wrings his hands together* I d-don't know.. maybe..? *looks as though he's about to faint*


D. You a virgin?
1. Qo - NO!
2. Weds - Hah.. I should be.
3. Feyd - Good god no. Who the fuck do I look like?
4. Puk - Oy! A gentalmen neva' kisses 'an tells, a'ight?
5. Sheen - *faints*

E. Who's your mate/spouse?
1. Qo - Mug. Qo thinks. She's been kind of.. MIA.
2. Weds - His name is John, but most know him as 'General.'
3. Feyd - I don't do the whole.. "I'm attatched" thing anymore. Never ends right.
4. Puk - A'int met me the roight ladeh yet. But I will, somedeh, Oy knows it.
5. Sheen - *still.. fainted* <moan> ...C..c....cccccoooorrriii </moan>

F. Have any kids?
1. Qo - No!
2. Weds - Not at the moment.. Someday I'd like to have a couple. Someday...
3. Feyd - No. Fucking. Way.
4. Puk - 'Ey, Oy'd love a few li'lle buggers 'round 'ere somedah, but I gotta gets me a ladeh first, roight? Hah!
5. Sheen - *starting to come around* K..kk.kkkkkkiidsssss? *faints again*

G. Favorite food?
1. Qo - CHOCOLATE!!!
2. Weds - I'd die for a home cooked meal of any sort.
3. Feyd - Well that's easy.. gin and tonic.
4. Puk - I loike anythin' smotha'd in cheese. Good, strong cheese too.
5. Sheen - *finally coming too..* Italian.

H. Favorite ice cream flavor?
1. Qo - CCHHHHOOOOCCCOOOLLLAAATTTEEE BUT OMG QO LIKES IT ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!! DDD
2. Weds - Hey, did you meet my new boyfriends? Their names are Ben and Jerry. And they make some wicked cookiedough..
3. Feyd - I'd rather not. But if I had to, vanilla I guess.
4. Puk - Coffee!
5. Sheen - Something plain.. please. *mops brow*

I. Killed anyone?
1. Qo - Qo hopes not.
2. Weds - Not that I'm aware of.
3. Feyd - ...Yes... DO NOT GO THERE. >
4. Puk - Unless you's talkin' wit' good looks hereuh.. I don' think so.
5. Sheen - Oh ..m..my..


J. Hate anyone?
1. Qo - Qo loves everyone. <3
2. Weds - Oh, a handful here and there.
3. Feyd - Someone. Cut off. My hands. What do you think!?
4. Puk - Naw. Everehone loves 'dem some Puk.
5. Sheen - Oh my, n-no!


K. Any secrets?
1. Qo - Qo secretly plays with her bellybutton lint while she's in bed. D:
2. Weds - ..Who doesn't? Seriously. If there is someone in the world with no secrets.. I'd like to meet them so I can punch them.
3. Feyd - Need I even justify this with an answer.. *looks up at Qo*
4. Puk - If yeh get me wet before a foight, I can't discharge my static. So don' do it!
5. Sheen - M-maybe that I feel like I n..never said 'I love you' enough to her. I don't know..

L. Love anyone?
1. Qo - Qo loves.. everyone? Qo loves Mug, and Feyd, and Bayle, and everyone!
2. Weds - Yes. I do. Very much.
3. Feyd - No.. Not anymore. I'm not capable.
4. Puk - Naw.. Not yet.
5. Sheen - Yes.


M. What is your job?
1. Qo - Bum? Teehee.
2. Weds - Seamstress. Self employed.
3. Feyd - I leech off those around me, so I don't have to have a job.
4. Puk - I'm pretteh good with mah hands, 'n I can foight like noone's business.
5. Sheen - Carpenter.


N. Are you a boy or a girl?
1. Qo - Qo is a girl, silly.
2. Weds - Female
3. Feyd - Male
4. Puk - Why don'cha take a look 'an see muffin? *beltbuckle says.. "If you're close enough to read this, why don't you just give me a blowjob?"
5. Sheen - Oh my.. male.


O. Favorite season?
1. Qo - Qo loves the spring.. it's so green and pretty!
2. Weds - Indian summer. When the leaves are just turning, and the weather is still so wonderfully warm..
3. Feyd - Whenever it's warm, so I don't have to get dressed..
4. Puk - 'Oy loike deh spring, when deh trees are all bloomin' 'n purtylike.
5. Sheen - Spring, I suppose.


P. Who's your best friend?
1. Qo - Qo loves everyone!
2. Weds - Ridley.
3. Feyd - I hate everyone..
4. Puk - 'Oy dunno. I nevah thought abou'it.
5. Sheen - *looks down at his feet* I guess I'm a recluse..


Q. Hobbies?
1. Qo - Qo likes to make plushies of the people she meets. So she can remember them.
2. Weds - Gardening.
3. Feyd - ... Go to hell Wednesday, it was my hobby first!
4. Puk - 'Oy loike runnin'. I dunno why, I jus' do. Nothin' loike a noice job 'round a lake or someat loike dat.
5. Sheen - ...Carpentry? I've been dabbling with sheet metal too, and it's kind of fun.

R. Favorite Drink?
1. Qo - Milk!
2. Weds - Whiskey shots.
3. Feyd - The whole bar.
4. Puk - Oy mate! Beer!
5. Sheen - Preferably something with little, to no alcoholic content.. It doesn't settle w-well with me.. *blush*


S. So...what are you gonna do once this tag is over?
1. Qo - Sleep some more!
2. Weds - Probably sleep.. Or talk to Ridley.
3. Feyd - Kill you. >
4. Puk - Smell up some women's panties? ;D
5. Sheen - Sleep.


T. Worst idea ever?
1. Qo - Not making sure everyone in the room knows your there.
2. Weds - Saying those three little words to someone, and then dissapearing right afterward.
3. Feyd - Putting your hands inside the cage, or getting within stabbing distance. >:\
4. Puk - Sleepin' in a cardboard box! I dunno, I suck at this shit.
5. Sheen - Making a four-legged table with only.. 3 legs.


U. Any advice for the children?
1. Qo - Make sure to say hello to at least one stranger daily. That way there won't be so many strangers in the world.
2. Weds - Things always have a way of getting better. Sometimes you just have to sit through the bad times, and let them roll on by. You'll make it, I promise.
3. Feyd - Don't fall in love. With anybody.
4. Puk - It don' rain every day. So enjoy the dry and deh sunshoine, but don't fo'get to dance in deh rain too.
5. Sheen - Don't leave. Ever.

And I tag..! (drum roll please..!)

& &

As some of you know, I went to Baltimore this last weekend to visit the lovely, and and Erica with.. at MICA. I really miss Lyse, and it was glorious seeing her. We got there on Friday, and spent time with them and their awesome friends, and we came home on sunday.

I enjoyed most of my monday.. only to have the evening cut a bit short. Apparently my grandfather had been found in his room, passed out in his chair. They rushed him to the hospital. And of course they weren't sure what happened.. maybe a heart attack, maybe a stroke.

He passed away at around 2 in the morning on Tuesday.

So we're going to NY from thursday until sunday for the funeral and to see the family and all.

I'm okay about his passing. It was quick. And he was so sick for so long... I hope that I'll never have to deal with alzheimer's (ugh, it runs in the family! D because of what all the rest of the family had to go through. No, I'll die of heart failure. Yep. Apparently simultaneously with Steve and Jack, while on the phone with them and Rachel (wtf?!)

But anyways. I'll be gone. I'm taking my tablet with me. Maybe I'll get some digital work done in between things. I have some things I want to color...